coming up jennifer

So things are going pretty well. After the absolutely SHOCKING award, I found out today I FINALLY have a legit INTERVIEW!!! It's for a nanny-ish job for a three year old, and I'm really quite excited about it. Hopefully it works out :). Thank goodness.

ALSO, the day after tomorrow is when I go to Vancouver! I have four apartments set up to view, and it means that within a WEEK I'll hopefully have my living place secured! My very OWN place, all to myself. I cannot freaking wait. This is going to be amazing.

That's all for now, I guess. I'm starting to realize more and more that I will miss my friends terribly though. We shall see.

superlatives.

Holy. Shit.

Today I got a letter from Brock.

This letter from Brock says that I am the recipient of the Dean's Medal for Social Science (Honours).

The letter says that this means I have the highest average of everyone graduating from an Honours Social Science degree.

Oh. My. God.


OHMYGOD!!!!! I am so completely excited about this! I can't even believe it - I keep thinking they'll send a new letter taking it back. I mean, are you KIDDING me?! This was like, one of those pipe dreams I had when I was in first year and actually getting the nineties I should have had all along for an award like this. But hey! Among those pipe dreams was going to UBC for an MA in ECE, so I suppose those dreams weren't so "pipe" after all.

(I'm really cool).

Anyway, I'm still kind of numb from it! We had celebratory pizza, but still. This can't actually be true.
Eat your heart out, University of Toronto.

[cockiness] And so really, who needs to be engaged or a parent-to-be or both when you are apparently so good at life that you get the Deans Honours Medal?! [/cockiness]

jobs are for everyone. but me.

The job hunt sucks balls.

So far this summer, I have applied to THIRTY TWO jobs, most of which are in the Hamilton area, a small number of which are in Vancouver. From these 32 jobs, I have gotten one call, and it was to sell something "helpful" to people in DEBT. No thanks, I'm not a scam artist.

I'm really still nervous about being dirt poor in Vancouver. I don't want to regret turning down Brock and its immense amount of money, where I would be comfortable and feel safe. I'm also starting to get nervous about spreading myself too thin whilst in Vancouver. If by some crazy string of luck I get a Vancouver job, how do I know if I have TIME for a job?! I don't really know what my life will look like as a Grad student. I feel like the smart thing is to wait to see how much time I have, but I'm worried it would be harder to get a job in like October than during the summer before the year starts.

I hate job hunting, and I used to love it. How can it be that the more qualifications I get the less successful my job hunt is?! How can it be so hard to get a job with an ECE diploma and a BA and lots of awesome experience???

Maybe I'm just shooting too high...

scam

So really, fuck craigslist. I was so excited today because I found this PERFECT place. It was fully furnished, within walking distance to UBC, huge, and slightly cheaper than my budget. It was beautiful. I e-mailed the poster with my excitement on my sleeve. He e-mailed me back this evening, but that's when the sketch started. He said I wouldn't be able to see the apartment before I got the keys because he'd been relocated to Africa. It actually seemed slightly okay because I wasn't too clear on whether I'd be able to see it beforehand. But THEN I went back to craigslist and the posting was removed :(.

Sketch-y.

And disappointing. It was so perfect. SO PERFECT.



/rant

getting down to business

Planning is infinitely harder than I expected. For one thing, renting is something that is brand new to me and I don't fully understand it. Landlords are sticklers about silly things, and who is the "customer"??? It's weird to me that wer kind of have to choose each other. They're trying to please me and I'm trying to please them. There's nothing else like it really.

Except relationships. But don't get me started on that.


Anyway.

I've only really had one real apartment "bite", and I'm very excited about it. Sadly, I haven't been able to see pictures of it yet, but they've said they think the place is perfect for me and I for it! My mom and I are going to BC on June 1st to check out apartments, and I'm really really excited about it!!! I'm also excited to see Becca and get some advice from her :).

It's funny, I was so confident and comfortable in negotiating my, well, world. I was the "advice"-giver. Now I'm going somewhere that I have NO understanding of. Zero. It's nervewracking.\

That being said, I'm also trying hard to find a job in Vancouver (and in Hamilton), so I feel a bit less stressed about my future poverty and so I have a bit of wiggle room on where I can live. Man. This is complicated, but it's still extremely exciting!! :D

lots on the brain

I wish I would update this more often. The interesting thing about it is that I think about it, but I feel too... tired almost to update it. I don't want to write something just for the sake of writing something, but also I am just starting to feel comfortable, computer-wise. That's a weird thing to say, but I'm nomading and freeloading at Andrea's house for now, and the internet is just in the basement. I don't have the kind of computer atmosphere I'm used to, but it's a small price to pay to freeload for a couple weeks.

Anyway, that's irrelevant.

I've had a lot of exciting news lately! I GOT INTO UBC!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

After meditating on it a lot (which I should have been doing on this blog), I'm pretty sure I've decided to go there. It's always been my dream, and it's still my dream. I'm really excited: first on the docket is to fly out there with mom, probably during the first week of June, and go apartment shopping!!! I have to be pretty modest in what I'm looking for - especially because it is SO SO SO expensive out in BC - but I'm going to try my hardest to stretch my budget to be able to live alone. I have spent the last several years living 24/7 for my neighbours, and I think I owe it to myself to get back that personal time.

Interestingly, though, I'm alone in Andrea's house tonight and I actually felt quite sad for a bit - almost panicky. I got through it though, texted Lindsay :). As long as I have a way to contact my friends it can't be too bad.

In an interesting twist of fate, a couple days after I found out about UBC I also learned that I won the Ontario Graduate Scholarship, worth $15,000 for the year. Sadly, it's only valid if you go to school IN Ontario, which would mean Brock, seeing as I've officially turned down the other two. So really, insanely, I'm choosing UBC over $30,000. Just in case numbers are lost on you, hypothetical blog follower, that's THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. I must be insane. But I also figure that this time next year, all that money will be spent and I'll not be in BC, at UBC, following my dream.

I suppose it is worth it in the long run... it's definitely a difficult thing to turn down though.

That's about it for now I suppose. Still trying to find a freaking job so I can have SOME savings to survive on in Vancouver. Please, please, hire me world!!!

the eye of the storm?

So here I am. It's after denouement. After all the students left, and I've left Brock University for good. Any time I go back, I will be a visitor. It's not my home anymore. BUT, strangely enough, I'm not sad yet. Like, I'm not exuberant, but there have been no tears since drunken Jenn. Not even melancholy. It's weird.

Being the person I am, I'm trying to psychoanalyze the shit out of myself to figure out why this could be.

Possibility #1: It's still coming.
It's quite possible that for some reason I'm in denial, or it hasn't hit me yet, or I will feel it at a time during which I SHOULD be going back but am not. It's weird. Like it's the eerie quiet before the hurricane returns. Watch out, keep everything boarded up still, and kleenex on hand.

Possibility #2: I'm too drugged up to care enough.
The muted feelings happen to coincide with a nice dose boost of my Crazy Meds. Technically, the only time I have bawled about leaving was when I was drunk. Being drunk tends to counter the effect of the meds AND is a depressant, so maybe that's why I could be sad when I was drunk? I don't even know how I feel about this numbness if it's medication-based. Am I glad I'm not sad or am I distressed by my lack of emotion? In all honesty we all know I'm just numb (IF this is the case. And if it's not, what then?)

Possibly #3: I am at peace with it?!?!
I suppose that it is possible that I feel at peace with leaving RLS and Brock. Possible and weird and the most distressing possibility in a way. Like I mean, I know that I did leave RLS on my own terms, and that I accomplished a lot (for a further post! look for it!), and that I have super exciting stuff to plan for for the future, but can I REALLY not be upset about leaving the place I was in for four years?! The community I was a part of and lived the shit out of for three years?! The FRIENDS, my wonderful WONDERFUL friends I fell in love with over the last three years or less?!?

....and no, I'm still not crying. It's gotta be number 2. What the Hell?!
Thoughts?? Oh anonymous and sparse and familial readers? Vote on the most likely explanation if you're that bored...