cling

It's July. This is the month I leave. I leave THIS MONTH. I don't want to: I feel desperate. I feel like I need to desperately cling to my friends, spend as much time as possible. I feel like in some cases, though, that's not so easy. There's not enough time. People have their own things going on. I work suddenly.

But I'm clawing for it, but at the same time feel like I need to be silent about it. I don't want to impose, I don't want to be turned down and hurt, I don't want to seem clingy. I am though, because I'm so scared. I'm scared of being isolated in a place while trying desperately to stay connected to my home friends who are too busy with their home life. I'm afraid of getting hurt AND being isolated. Simultaneously.

I feel like it's a bad combination. Especially for me.

So I guess I feel clingy now because maybe if I store up enough time before I go, I'll feel less desperate while I'm there. I guess I expect to get some peace from that, and feel comfortable stepping completely and utterly out of my comfort zone.

It's overwhelming and I don't know what to do about it.

I wish it weren't already July...