how do you know?

Happily, this post has nothing to do with love, as the title might suggest.
BUT I do not know how explicitly I will explain what it is really about. That is still to be determined.

I'm doing a lot of reflecting lately and I just wonder... how do you "learn" or "discover" something that is supposed to be an inherent truth. Sure, if you know anything about my academic life, you know I spit in the face of things such as "inherent truths". But if you're supposed to just know something about yourself, but you don't, how do you get there? There are a couple things that I'm referring to with this, and they're essential to work through if this reflection is going to get anywhere. But I don't know how you learn them or whatever. You can know so many things about yourself but how do you get them all to connect and relate.

Maybe it's not something I have to figure out about myself but about life?

We'll see.

limbo

So sorry for being such a deadbeat blogger. I will definitely try harder. I also think that there are a couple saved drafts of posts that I started but no longer feel relevant. What can you do but start where you are, though, right?

Right now I am at home. I've been here for a few weeks and will be for another few weeks - with some trips in between. I'm enjoying being at home and at the same time feel like something is missing. I think that home has become to feel like limbo. It's a break from my "real life," which is relieving but also feels stagnant.

I have been pretty good at life for the last while that I was at school. Since I came back from my short reading week trip home I had continued my sleeping patterns. Due to the time difference it meant I fell asleep around 10:30/11PM and woke up around 9AM. Seriously, that little change felt amazing!! I also spent every day walking as soon as I woke up, because I found that it jumpstarted my productivity. I've fallen in love with going outside - of course I still do not plan to overdose on it, but it's amazing to have that daily fresh air. I even made my own lunch and went on my bike about 3 nights a week. It really really felt amazing, and felt so good physically and emotionally.

Here, I do nothing. However, I am starting to walk my dog more and more. It just feels like a pause in my life - it feels kind of awkward. I'm sure, though, that I will miss it when I am back there... at least after the first week of reuniting with my super soft mattress, double computer screen, and the mountains.

Also, I left a small garbage bag on my kitchen counter by accident and I think it had food in it... oops.


Still love being with my family and friends here though... I'm sure the future me would be mad if I didn't appreciate this time for soaking up all the love <3.